Morning After
by angela evans
Summary: Sydney reflects on the kiss she shared with Vaughn ~ Follow up to "Forever"/"Deliver Me", yet another S/V Song Fic


"Morning After"  
Follow up to "Forever"/"Deliver Me"  
A/N: Pre "Reckoning". The lyrics are from "Save Me" by The Pierces. Download it and listen while you read. It's available at http://roswell.na.nu/mp3s/season_02/205.html  
  
  
There's a lot you don't know  
  
Morning light swept lightly across the room and danced upon Sydney's eyelids. She moaned softly, not wanting to wake up. She was warm, and she was comfortable. She felt safe. As she turned over to face away from the sun, she felt an arm tighten around her waist and pull her close.   
  
She hadn't felt this comfort in a long time . . . not since . . . since Danny.  
  
Danny. He was dead and it was her fault. Their fight, and then that phone call . . . she should have known that Sloane would have the phones bugged. She'd taken him into the shower to tell him, knowing that the apartment could be bugged and hoping that the rushing water would muffle the sounds of their conversation. But the phone . . .   
  
How could she have been that stupid? She knew they were watching her. Danny's blood was on her hands. Lots of people's blood was on her hands, but Danny's was the stubborn type that would never go away. Out, out, damn spot . . . And he was on her mind too. Every time she thought about moving on, his ghost haunted her.  
  
There is a lot you don't know   
There is a lot I can't tell   
Would you think I'm crazy   
If you knew me that well   
'Cause there's a lot you don't know   
And you say you won't go   
And I'd like to believe you   
But I know....   
  
Vaughn wanted to help her. He told her she could always call him when she needed someone to talk to. And she had. He was the one that she knew would understand, unlike her father, unlike Will, unlike anyone else.  
  
He knew who - what - she was and he respected her for it. He didn't have the problems Danny did with her job. But then Vaughn knew everything from the beginning and they weren't in love . . . he wasn't her fiancé. He was her handler, her boss . . .   
  
But that kiss, that innocent moment when their lips had met said more than that. She knew she could try to rationalize it, saying that she was emotional, vulnerable, lonely and she'd reached out to the nearest warm body she could find. Hell, wasn't that what she told herself about Will? Her judgment was impaired and she'd made an innocent mistake. She would go home to her empty apartment and he would go back to Alice. She'd be all alone again.  
  
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me   
  
But all those rationalizations didn't work. He'd kissed her first, or kissed her back . . . it didn't really matter which, it happened. He felt something more than friendship for her. And she couldn't deny that the kiss had sent shivers down her spine, made fireworks go off, and bells ring. She had feelings for him.  
  
But those feelings were mixed with so many other things. Guilt, deceit, failure, pain, lies and more lies. She didn't know where it all ended and she began. How could she let go of Danny? How could she lie to Will? How dare she take Vaughn away from the woman who loved him? A woman who he wouldn't have to sacrifice to be with.  
  
Is it all in my head?   
Or somehow is it truth   
Was it something I said?   
I can offer no proof   
'Cause there's a lot you don't know   
And you say you won't go   
And I'd like to believe you   
But I know....   
  
This was a very dangerous road they were traveling. They weren't meant to be together. If the CIA found out, they would both be reprimanded and he would most likely be transferred to a branch office on the other side of the continent. If SD-6 found out, they'd both be killed. But they would kill him first. She'd have to live with knowing his blood was on her hands as well as Danny's. She couldn't let that happen.   
  
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me  
  
Will . . . Will was safe. He's not a spy, he's not your handler, he's just a guy. Someone who loves you. Someone who wouldn't have to give up everything to be with you. Someone who wouldn't die because they loved you.  
  
She could tell herself this a million times and it still wouldn't do any good. She knew she couldn't make herself love him, even though she should. It wouldn't be fair to him. He deserves better.  
  
Of course, he wouldn't believe it. He's risking his life to find out what happened to Danny. And he's not doing it for his career, no, he's doing it for you. And if you can't stop him, his blood will be on your hands too.   
  
'Cause there's a lot you don't know   
And you say you won't go   
And I'd like to believe you   
But I know....   
  
Will, Vaughn, Danny . . . she was responsible for whatever happens to them. You are the only one who can save them and yourself. You can't let anyone in again, she reminded herself, you are the only one.  
  
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me   
I am the only one   
There's no one left to save me . . . . 


End file.
